Nothing like a lot of exercise to make you realize you'd rather be lazy and dead sooner.
—Randy K. Milholland
The grass is always greener once you don't have to mow a lawn anymore.
Friendship is being there when someone's feeling low and not being afraid to kick them.
The only thing that lasts longer than a friend's love is the stupidity that keeps us from knowing any better.
It's not a matter of whether or not someone's watching over you. It's just a question of their intentions.
Lies are like children. If you don't nurture them, they'll never be useful later.
There is no den in the wide world to hide a rogue. Commit a crime and the earth is made of glass. Commit a crime, and it seems as if a coat of snow fell on the ground, such as reveals in the woods the track of every partridge, and fox, and squirrel.
Success isn't permanent, and failure isn't fatal.
Those who seek consolation in existing churches often pay for their peace of mind with a tacit agreement to ignore a great deal of what is known about the way the world works.
The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible.
Desperate is not a sexual preference.
The only way to be truly misogynistic is to be a woman.
Slap a mask on a drunk and you're going to have trouble. It's like having a live reenactment of anonymous forum comments.
I've accepted that I'm not going to die of natural causes, [but] getting killed 'cuz you're naturally a dick seems like natural causes to me.