Make crime pay. Become a lawyer. —Will Rogers More about this quote Tags: humor cynicism law crime Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top. —An English Professor More about this quote Tags: humor language paper Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say. —Ronnie Shakes More about this quote Tags: God humor cold Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
I always wanted to be the last guy on Earth, just to see if all those women were lying to me. —Ronnie Shakes More about this quote Tags: humor survival apocalypse Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there. —Steven Wright More about this quote Tags: humor driving irony Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving. —Henny Youngman More about this quote Tags: humor success skydiving Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'? —Jay Leno More about this quote Tags: humor lottery psychics Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass. —David Lee Roth More about this quote Tags: humor fitness water jogging Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email