Knowing he was suffering pained me. That's the way love tangles you up. I couldn't stop loving him, and couldn't shut off the feelings of wanting to care for him—but I also didn't have to run to answer his letters. I was hurting, too, and no one was running to me.
Every single morning, I smell him. Even when I've changed my sheets, I smell him. When I roll onto the side of the bed he was on, I smell him. I can almost feel him—and then I want to call him. I wanna call him because I feel so helpless. So alone. All I wanna do is hear his voice.