I can't keep doing this to myself, getting my hopes up so high, only to have them come crashing down. I can't keep waiting for him to come to his senses, having my whole emotional state rest on what he decides. What if he never wakes up to how perfect we'd be together? What if I spend another year pining for him — or longer even? In a terrible flash, I see my future stretching out before me: waiting for his calls, rearranging my life around college visits, and decoding texts and instant messages like they could be something real, something true. This isn't love; this is pure torment.
How could I have been so stupid? All this time, I've been certain he feels the same way about me. I was so sure that my feelings were requited that I'd convinced myself he was just getting up the courage to confess. But I was wrong.
I'm used to talking to him all the time, about the most meaningless stuff. To have him gone feels like a loss, an absence haunting me every day. Without him, there's just the empty space that used to be filled with laughter and friendship and comfort. Can you really blame me for finding it so hard to let go?
Abby McDonald is the pen name for British author Abigail Haas. She has written twelve novels. She was born in England but now lives in Los Angeles. Abby grew up in Sussex and went on to study Politics, Philosophy & Economics at Oxford University. She has written under her real name, pen name Abby McDonald, and has as Melody Grace, self-published her Beachwood Bay series. The series became a USA Today and international bestseller series before she revealed she was the author. She is also one of the writers for Netflix series Bridgerton, and is a staff writer for the show.
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