How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelet?

—George Carlin

About George Carlin

Portrait of George Carlin

George Denis Patrick Carlin (May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, satirist, social critic, actor and author. Widely regarded as one of the greatest and most influential comedians of all time, he was known for his stand-up routines, combining elements of dark comedy and commentary...

More quotations from George Carlin

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.

—George Carlin

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

—George Carlin

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect.

—George Carlin

It's the American view that everything has to keep climbing: productivity, profits, even comedy. No time for reflection. No time to contract before another expansion. No time to grow up. No time to fuck up. No time to learn from your mistakes. But that notion goes against nature, which is cyclical. And I hope I'm now beginning a new cycle of energy and creativity. If so, it'll really be my third career. The first was as a straight comic in the Sixties. The second was as a counterculture performer in the Seventies. The third will be…well, that's for others to judge.

—George Carlin

USA comedy commentary

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.

—George Carlin

love family argument food