Quotations from
George Denis Patrick Carlin (May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, satirist, social critic, actor and author. Widely regarded as one of the greatest and most influential comedians of all time, he was known for his stand-up routines, combining elements of dark comedy and commentary on topics such as contemporary politics, the English language, psychology, and religion.
They call it the “American Dream” because you have to be asleep to believe it.
As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?
Men are stupid and women are crazy. And the reason women are so crazy is because men are so stupid.
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas; take your next trip in kilometers.