A McDonald's "Breakfast for Under a Dollar" actually costs much more than that. You have to factor in the cost of coronary bypass surgery.

—George Carlin

About George Carlin

Portrait of George Carlin

George Denis Patrick Carlin (May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, satirist, social critic, actor and author. Widely regarded as one of the greatest and most influential comedians of all time, he was known for his stand-up routines, combining elements of dark comedy and commentary...

More quotations from George Carlin

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

—George Carlin

humor language airplanes

Another plan I have is World Peace through Formal Introductions. The idea is that everyone in the world would be required to meet everyone else in the world, formally, at least once. You'd have to look the person in the eye, shake hands, repeat their name, and try to remember one outstanding physical characteristic. My theory is, if you knew everyone in the world personally, you'd be less inclined to fight them in a war: "Who? The Malaysians? Are you kidding? I know those people!

—George Carlin

peace violence intimacy familiarity meeting

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

—George Carlin

electricity lightning

If you're condemned to death they have to give you one last meal of your choice. What is that all about? A group of people plans to kill you, so they want you to eat something you like? Do they think the food part will take your mind off the dying part? Or do they prefer to kill you when you're just coming off a peak experience and full of positive energy?

—George Carlin

mind death food energy

I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing happened.

—George Carlin

change money irony