George Carlin - Quodid

About

Picture of George Carlin

George Denis Patrick Carlin (May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, satirist, social critic, actor and author. Widely regarded as one of the greatest and most influential comedians of all time, he was known for his stand-up routines, combining elements of dark comedy and commentary on topics such as contemporary politics, the English language, psychology, and religion.

Quotes from George Carlin

Let the fear of danger be a spur to prevent it; he that fears not, gives advantage to the danger.

—George Carlin

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

—George Carlin

It's never just a game when you're winning.

—George Carlin

emotions winning victory games

I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.

—George Carlin

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

—George Carlin

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

—George Carlin

censorship comedy violation

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the "Professional Building." I felt better right away.

—George Carlin

Life is tough . . . What do you get at the end of it? A death. What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backward. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old-age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating — and you finish off as an orgasm.

—George Carlin

I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it, the better.

—George Carlin

humor silence speech

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.

—George Carlin

Wouldn't it be weird if the only way people could die was that their heads suddenly exploded without warning? If there was simply no other cause of death? One day you'd be sitting there having a hot chocolate, and suddenly your head would explode.

—George Carlin

humor death explosions

Actually, if you ask me, this country could do with a little less motivation. The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me. Serial killers, stock swindlers, drug dealers, Christian Republicans. I'm not sure motivation is always a good thing. You show me a lazy prick who's lying in bed all day, watching tv, . . . and I'll show you a guy who's not causing any trouble.

—George Carlin

trouble motivation

I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter
how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.

—George Carlin

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call

—George Carlin

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.

—George Carlin

love family argument food

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