Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.

—George Carlin

About George Carlin

Portrait of George Carlin

George Denis Patrick Carlin (May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, satirist, social critic, actor and author. Widely regarded as one of the greatest and most influential comedians of all time, he was known for his stand-up routines, combining elements of dark comedy and commentary...

More quotations from George Carlin

I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it, the better.

—George Carlin

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Life is tough… What do you get at the end of it? A death. What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backward. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old-age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating—and you finish off as an orgasm.

—George Carlin

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the "Professional Building." I felt better right away.

—George Carlin

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

—George Carlin

censorship comedy violation

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

—George Carlin

History

1 Jan 2016 Added