Wouldn't it be weird if the only way people could die was that their heads suddenly exploded without warning? If there was simply no other cause of death? One day you'd be sitting there having a hot chocolate, and suddenly your head would explode.

About George Carlin

George Denis Patrick Carlin (May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, satirist, social critic, actor and author. Widely regarded as one of the greatest and most influential comedians of all time, he was known for his stand-up routines, combining elements of dark comedy and commentary...

More quotations from George Carlin

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.

—George Carlin

I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it, the better.

—George Carlin

humor silence speech

Life is tough… What do you get at the end of it? A death. What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backward. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old-age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating—and you finish off as an orgasm.

—George Carlin

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the "Professional Building." I felt better right away.

—George Carlin

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

—George Carlin

censorship comedy violation

More quotations tagged with “death”

We say that the hour of death cannot be forecast, but when we say this we imagine that hour as placed in an obscure and distant future. It never occurs to us that it has any connection with the day already begun or that death could arrive this same afternoon, this afternoon which is so

—Marcel Proust

time future perception death

As the day grew brighter, he grew dimmer, and more of his friends gathered around his bed. They took up their oars and rowed with him as far as they could.

—Carrie Fisher

friends death darkness passage

Animals have these advantages over man: they never hear the clock strike, they die without any idea of death, they have no theologians to instruct them, their last moments are not disturbed by unwelcome and unpleasant ceremonies, their funerals cost them nothing, and no one starts lawsuits over their
wills.

—Voltaire

religion death animals theology funerals ceremony

The dying must often feel this way—steaming along just fine, while on ahead someone has torn up the rails.

—Annie Dillard

death feelings

It kills me sometimes, how people die.

—Markus Zusak

death irony

History

1 Jan 2016 Added
26 Oct 2026 Wording changed

Previous wording

Wouldn't it be weird if the only way people could die was that their heads suddenly exploded without warning? If there was simply no other cause of death? One day you'd be sitting there having a hot chocolate, and suddenly your head would explode.