They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
—Garrison Keillor
Animals have these advantages over man: they never hear the clock strike, they die without any idea of death, they have no theologians to instruct them, their last moments are not disturbed by unwelcome and unpleasant ceremonies, their funerals cost them nothing, and no one starts lawsuits over their
wills.
—Voltaire
A funeral reminds you to be alive, doesn't it? It slaps you across the face and points out that there's still warm blood doing a jig in your veins.
—Lydia Kang in A Beautiful Poison