Men are stupid and women are crazy. And the reason women are so crazy is because men are so stupid.

—George Carlin

About George Carlin

Portrait of George Carlin

George Denis Patrick Carlin (May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, satirist, social critic, actor and author. Widely regarded as one of the greatest and most influential comedians of all time, he was known for his stand-up routines, combining elements of dark comedy and commentary...

More quotations from George Carlin

A McDonald's "Breakfast for Under a Dollar" actually costs much more than that. You have to factor in the cost of coronary bypass surgery.

—George Carlin

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

—George Carlin

humor language airplanes

Another plan I have is World Peace through Formal Introductions. The idea is that everyone in the world would be required to meet everyone else in the world, formally, at least once. You'd have to look the person in the eye, shake hands, repeat their name, and try to remember one outstanding physical characteristic. My theory is, if you knew everyone in the world personally, you'd be less inclined to fight them in a war: "Who? The Malaysians? Are you kidding? I know those people!

—George Carlin

peace violence intimacy familiarity meeting

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

—George Carlin

electricity lightning

If you're condemned to death they have to give you one last meal of your choice. What is that all about? A group of people plans to kill you, so they want you to eat something you like? Do they think the food part will take your mind off the dying part? Or do they prefer to kill you when you're just coming off a peak experience and full of positive energy?

—George Carlin

mind death food energy

More quotations tagged with “men”

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

—Billy Crystal

women reason men sex

Men, as well as women, are much oftener led by their hearts than by their understandings.

—Philip Stanhope, 4th Earl of Chesterfield

understanding life choice women men

Conservation is a state of harmony between men and land.

—Aldo Leopold

conservation men wilderness

I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.

—Elizabeth Gilbert in Love

love optimism relationship risk romance greatness men

History, real solemn history, I cannot be interested in. . . . I read it a little as a duty; but it tells me nothing that does not either vex or weary me. The quarrels of popes and kings, with wars and pestilences in every page; the men all so good-for-nothing, and hardly any women at all.

war history power women men kings pestilence