Herbert Eugene Caen (; April 3, 1916 – February 1, 1997) was a San Francisco humorist and journalist whose daily column of local goings-on and insider gossip, social and political happenings, painful puns, and offbeat anecdotes—"a continuous love letter to San Francisco"—appeared in the San Francisco Chronicle for almost sixty years (excepting a relatively brief defection to The San Francisco Examiner) and made him a household name throughout the San Francisco Bay Area.
The only thing wrong with immortality is that it tends to go on forever.
I have a memory like an elephant. I remember every elephant I've ever met.
Rather than concentrating on what you should have done, concentrate on what you can do now.
—Rachel Van Dyken in Ruin