You have to wait ten days to buy a gun in LA. I can't stay mad that long. —Emo Philips More about this quote Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
About Emo Philips Emo Philips (born Philip Soltanec, February 7, 1956) is an American stand-up comedian and actor. His stand-up comedy persona makes use of paraprosdokians spoken in a wandering falsetto tone of voice.
More quotations from Emo Philips When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked for forgiveness. —Emo Philips More about this quote Tags: forgiveness prayer theft stealing Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it! . . . There's so much to live for!" He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well, are you religious or atheist?" He said, "Religious." I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?" He said, "Christian." I said, "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?" He said, "Baptist!" I said, "Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?" He said, "Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are you original Baptist Church of God, or Reformed Baptist Church of God?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!" I said, "Die, heretic scum," and pushed him off. —Emo Philips More about this quote Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this. —Emo Philips More about this quote Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email I was the kid next door's imaginary friend. —Emo Philips More about this quote Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand. —Emo Philips More about this quote Tags: power supernatural skepticism Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked for forgiveness. —Emo Philips More about this quote Tags: forgiveness prayer theft stealing Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it! . . . There's so much to live for!" He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well, are you religious or atheist?" He said, "Religious." I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?" He said, "Christian." I said, "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?" He said, "Baptist!" I said, "Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?" He said, "Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are you original Baptist Church of God, or Reformed Baptist Church of God?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!" I said, "Die, heretic scum," and pushed him off. —Emo Philips More about this quote Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this. —Emo Philips More about this quote Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
I was the kid next door's imaginary friend. —Emo Philips More about this quote Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand. —Emo Philips More about this quote Tags: power supernatural skepticism Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email