[Medicine is] a collection of uncertain prescriptions the results of which, taken collectively, are more fatal than useful to mankind.

History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon.

—Napoleon Bonaparte

One should never forbid what one lacks the power to prevent.

—Napoleon Bonaparte

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

—Napoleon Bonaparte

In politics stupidity is not a handicap.

—Napoleon Bonaparte

If I had to choose a religion, the sun as the universal giver of life would be my god.

—Napoleon Bonaparte

Don't live in a town where there are no doctors.

—Jewish Proverb

Let's not kid ourselves. Whatever we diagnose, most patients, if they don't die, get well by themselves. Our job is mainly to try to make them feel better; do no harm.

—Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider

One has a greater sense of intellectual degradation after an interview with a doctor than from any human experience.

—Alice James

We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it.

—Dave Barry

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

—Henny Youngman