I don't need a baby growing inside me for nine months. For one thing, there's morning sickness. If I'm going to feel nauseous and achy when I wake up, I want to achieve that state the old fashioned way: getting good and drunk the night before.

—Ellen DeGeneres

humor alcohol motherhood

About Ellen DeGeneres

Portrait of Ellen DeGeneres

Ellen Lee DeGeneres ( də-JEN-ər-əs; born January 26, 1958) is an American comedian, actress, television host, writer, and producer. She began her career in stand-up comedy in the early 1980s, gaining national attention with a 1986 appearance on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. She starred in the television sitcoms...

More quotations from Ellen DeGeneres

Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. So procrastinate now, don't put it off.

—Ellen DeGeneres

procrastination

We succeed only as we identify in life, or in war, or in anything else, a single overriding objective, and make all other considerations bend to that one objective.

—Ellen DeGeneres

I didn't go to college at all, any college, and I'm not saying you wasted your time or money, but look at me, I'm a huge celebrity.

—Ellen DeGeneres

Don't give advice. It will come back and bite you in the [butt]. Don't take anyone's advice. So, my advice to you is to be true to yourself and everything will be fine.

—Ellen DeGeneres

The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens. We can't be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we're not all there is. If so, we're in big trouble.

—Ellen DeGeneres

More quotations tagged with “motherhood”

Sometimes the strength of motherhood is greater than natural laws.

—Barbara Kingsolver

strength laws motherhood

Being a mother is a noble status, right? Right. So why does it change when you put "unwed" or "welfare" in front of it?

—Florynce Kennedy

nobility marriage motherhood welfare

All that remains to the mother in modern consumer society is the role of scapegoat; psychoanalysis uses huge amounts of money and time to persuade analysands to foist their problems onto the absent mother, who has no opportunity to utter a word in her own defense. Hostility to the mother in our societies is an index of mental health.

—Germaine Greer

society money problems mother motherhood psychoanalysis

She had risen and was walking about the room, her fat, worn face sharpening with a sort of animal alertness into power and protection. The claws that hide in every maternal creature slipped out of the fur of good manners.

—Margaret Deland

power manners walking protection motherhood alertness

No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement.

—Florida Scott-Maxwell

optimism hope improvement mother motherhood

History

7 Oct 2015 Added