Ellen DeGeneres

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Ellen Lee DeGeneres ( də-JEN-ər-əs; born January 26, 1958), is an American comedian, actress, television host, writer, and producer.

Quotes from Ellen DeGeneres

I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which uh..is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words.

—Ellen DeGeneres

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I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls, and they say, "Because it's such a beautiful animal. " There you go. Well, I think my mother's attractive, but I have photographs of her.

—Ellen DeGeneres

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In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.

—Ellen DeGeneres

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My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-three today, and we don't know where the hell she is.

—Ellen DeGeneres

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I have the worst memory ever so no matter who comes up to me - they're just, like, 'I can't believe you don't remember me!" I'm like, 'Oh Dad I'm sorry!

—Ellen DeGeneres

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humor memory familiarity

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The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens. We can't be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we're not all there is. If so, we're in big trouble.

—Ellen DeGeneres

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Don't give advice. It will come back and bite you in the [butt]. Don't take anyone's advice. So, my advice to you is to be true to yourself and everything will be fine.

—Ellen DeGeneres

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I didn't go to college at all, any college, and I'm not saying you wasted your time or money, but look at me, I'm a huge celebrity.

—Ellen DeGeneres

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We succeed only as we identify in life, or in war, or in anything else, a single overriding objective, and make all other considerations bend to that one objective.

—Ellen DeGeneres

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Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. So procrastinate now, don't put it off.

—Ellen DeGeneres

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I don't need a baby growing inside me for nine months. For one thing, there's morning sickness. If I'm going to feel nauseous and achy when I wake up, I want to achieve that state the old fashioned way: getting good and drunk the night before.

—Ellen DeGeneres

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The good psychic would pick up the phone before it rang. Of course it is possible there was noone on the other line. Once she said "God Bless you" I said, "I didn't sneeze" She looked deep into my eyes and said, "You will, eventually." And damn it if she wasn't right. Two days later I sneezed.

—Ellen DeGeneres

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humor psychic astrology

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Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log.

—Ellen DeGeneres

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What you look like on the outside is not what makes you cool at all. I mean, I had a mullet and wore parachute pants for a long, long time, and I'm doin' okay.

—Ellen DeGeneres

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People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.

—Ellen DeGeneres

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