Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
—Johnny Carson
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
—Phyllis Diller
Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.
—Kin Hubbard
Christmas isn't a season. It's a feeling.
—Edna Ferber
I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.
—Charles Dickens
I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.
—Dick Gregory
A turkey never voted for an early Christmas.
—Irish Proverb
Do give books—religious or otherwise—for Christmas. They're never fattening, seldom sinful, and permanently personal.
—Lenore Hershey
Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.
—Matt Groening
Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ.
—Matt Groening
At Christmas play and make good cheer, For Christmas comes but once a year.
—Thomas Tusser
There's a schizoid quality to our relationship with animals, in which sentiment and brutality exist side by side. Half the dogs in America will receive Christmas presents this year, yet few of us pause to consider the miserable life of the pig—an animal easily as intelligent as a dog—that becomes the Christmas ham.
—Michael Pollan
Coming from Chicago, I like a white Christmas.
—Dennis Franz
Please to put a nickel, please to put a dime. How petitions trickle in at Christmas time!
—Phyllis McGinley
Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log.
—Ellen DeGeneres