Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.

A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them.

—P.J. O'Rourke

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

—P.J. O'Rourke

Never fight an inanimate object.

—P.J. O'Rourke

There was something special about family by choice. It wasn't blood that held us all together. It was loyalty. Love.

—Cambria Hebert in #Junkie

Whenever you break up with someone, you don't just break up with one person. You break up with their family, their friends, and their dog.

—Gemma Burgess in A Girl Like You

Look at the typical American family scene: Man walking around farting. Woman walking around scratching. Kids going around hollering. Hey, man, fuck that.

—Elvis Presley

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.

—George Carlin

Family isn't something that's supposed to be static, or set. People marry in, divorce out. They're born, they die. It's always evolving, turning into something else.

—Sarah Dessen in Lock and Key