It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

—Jerry Seinfeld

About Jerry Seinfeld

Portrait of Jerry Seinfeld

Jerome Allen Seinfeld ( SYNE-feld; born April 29, 1954) is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, filmmaker, and television producer specializing in observational comedy. Seinfeld gained stardom playing a fictionalized version of himself in the NBC sitcom Seinfeld (1989–1998), which he co-created and wrote with Larry David. Seinfeld earned a...

More quotations from Jerry Seinfeld

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.

—Jerry Seinfeld

God beauty lipstick cosmetics

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

—Jerry Seinfeld

The pain-relieving ingredient—there's always got to be a lot of that. Nobody wants anything less than extra-strength. "Give me the maximum allowable human dosage. Figure out what will kill me, and then back it off a little bit.

—Jerry Seinfeld

pain death drugs aspirin

My parents took me to Amish country, to see a bunch of people that have no cars, no TV, no phone.… Who wants to see a whole community that's been grounded?

—Jerry Seinfeld

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.

—Jerry Seinfeld

books thinking culture bookstores

More quotations tagged with “humor”

To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.

love humor self-confidence

If you even dream of beating me you’d better wake up and apologize.

—Muhammad Ali

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I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it.

—Mitch Hedberg

True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high-school class is running the country.

—Kurt Vonnegut

fear power humor leadership terror peers

This planet has—or rather had—a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole it wasn’t the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.

—Douglas Adams

humanity humor happiness money

History

26 Jun 2013 Added