We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics.

An optimist stays up to see the New Year in. A pessimist waits to make sure the old one leaves.

—Bill Vaughan

If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity.

—Bill Vaughan

Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.

—Bill Vaughan

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election.

—Bill Vaughan

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.

—Bill Vaughan

The English language was carefully, carefully cobbled together by three blind dudes and a German dictionary.

—Dave Kellett

The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible.

—David M. Ogilvy

If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?

—Laurence J. Peter

The fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.

—Carl Sagan in Broca's Brain

I’m all for gun control. Sometimes I shake a little; I’ve got to use two hands.

—Tom Kearney