Quotations from

Mitch Hedberg

About

Mitchell Lee Hedberg (February 24, 1968 – March 30, 2005) was an American stand-up comedian. He was known for his one-liner comedy, characterized by surreal humor and his distinctive deadpan delivery, as well as his unconventional stage presence.

from Wikipedia

Quotes from Mitch Hedberg

I like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. There would never be an escalator temporarily out of order sign, only an escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

—Mitch Hedberg

You can't please all of the people all of the time, and last night all of those people came to my show.

—Mitch Hedberg

I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something.

—Mitch Hedberg

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

—Mitch Hedberg

Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?

—Mitch Hedberg