Mitch Hedberg: "I like rice. Rice is great if you're..."

About Mitch Hedberg

Mitchell Lee Hedberg (February 24, 1968 – March 30, 2005) was an American stand-up comedian. He was known for his one-liner comedy, characterized by surreal humor and his distinctive deadpan delivery, as well as his unconventional stage presence.

More quotations from Mitch Hedberg

You can't please all of the people all of the time, and last night all of those people came to my show.

—Mitch Hedberg

I like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. There would never be an escalator temporarily out of order sign, only an escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

—Mitch Hedberg

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

—Mitch Hedberg

With a stop light, green means 'go' and yellow means 'slow down'. With a banana, however, it is quite the opposite. Yellow means 'go', green means 'whoa, slow down', and red means 'where the heck did you get that banana?

—Mitch Hedberg

comedy fruit food colors banana

I know a lot about cars. I can look at a car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

—Mitch Hedberg

knowledge cars expertise

More quotations tagged with “humor”

Why was I born with such contemporaries?

—Oscar Wilde

humor time contemporaries

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

—Steven Wright

humor silence mimes

There used to be a real me, but I had it surgically removed.

—Peter Sellers

humor self removal realness

I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.

—Spike Milligan

humor youth body

The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

—Robert Frost

wonder humor brain working office

History

28 Oct 2020 Added

I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something.

About Mitch Hedberg

More quotations from Mitch Hedberg

More quotations tagged with “humor”

History