I know a lot about cars. I can look at a car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

About Mitch Hedberg

Mitchell Lee Hedberg (February 24, 1968 – March 30, 2005) was an American stand-up comedian. He was known for his one-liner comedy, characterized by surreal humor and his distinctive deadpan delivery, as well as his unconventional stage presence.

More quotations from Mitch Hedberg

You know, you can't please all the people all the time… and last night, all those people were at my show.

—Mitch Hedberg

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

—Mitch Hedberg

humor dreams

I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down.

—Mitch Hedberg

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

—Mitch Hedberg

I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone wants to get a hold of me, they just say 'Mitch,' and I say 'what?' and turn my head slightly.

—Mitch Hedberg

More quotations tagged with “expertise”

An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field.

—Niels Bohr

mistakes knowledge expertise mastery

Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively.

—Laurence J. Peter

guessing expertise correctness

If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done.

—Peter Ustinov

knowledge certainty expertise

There are as many opinions as there are experts.

—Franklin D. Roosevelt

knowledge certainty opinions expertise

History

28 Dec 2015 Added