I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down.

About Mitch Hedberg

Mitchell Lee Hedberg (February 24, 1968 – March 30, 2005) was an American stand-up comedian. He was known for his one-liner comedy, characterized by surreal humor and his distinctive deadpan delivery, as well as his unconventional stage presence.

More quotations from Mitch Hedberg

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

—Mitch Hedberg

I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone wants to get a hold of me, they just say 'Mitch,' and I say 'what?' and turn my head slightly.

—Mitch Hedberg

I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

—Mitch Hedberg

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

—Mitch Hedberg

music water whistling

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

—Mitch Hedberg

humor water plants

I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down.

About Mitch Hedberg

More quotations from Mitch Hedberg

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