You can't please all of the people all of the time, and last night all of those people came to my show.

—Mitch Hedberg

About Mitch Hedberg

Mitchell Lee Hedberg (February 24, 1968 – March 30, 2005) was an American stand-up comedian. He was known for his one-liner comedy, characterized by surreal humor and his distinctive deadpan delivery, as well as his unconventional stage presence.

More quotations from Mitch Hedberg

I like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. There would never be an escalator temporarily out of order sign, only an escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

—Mitch Hedberg

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

—Mitch Hedberg

With a stop light, green means 'go' and yellow means 'slow down'. With a banana, however, it is quite the opposite. Yellow means 'go', green means 'whoa, slow down', and red means 'where the heck did you get that banana?

—Mitch Hedberg

comedy fruit food colors banana

I know a lot about cars. I can look at a car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

—Mitch Hedberg

knowledge cars expertise

You know, you can't please all the people all the time… and last night, all those people were at my show.

—Mitch Hedberg

History

11 Jun 2018 Added