I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that. —Mitch Hedberg More about this quote Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
About Mitch Hedberg Mitchell Lee Hedberg (February 24, 1968 – March 30, 2005) was an American stand-up comedian known for his surreal humor and deadpan delivery. His comedy typically featured short, sometimes one-line jokes mixed with absurd elements and non sequiturs.
More quotations from Mitch Hedberg With a stop light, green means 'go' and yellow means 'slow down'. With a banana, however, it is quite the opposite. Yellow means 'go', green means 'whoa, slow down', and red means 'where the heck did you get that banana? —Mitch Hedberg More about this quote Tags: comedy fruit food colors banana Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email I know a lot about cars. I can look at a car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming. —Mitch Hedberg More about this quote Tags: knowledge cars expertise Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email You know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show. —Mitch Hedberg More about this quote Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later. —Mitch Hedberg More about this quote Tags: humor dreams Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down. —Mitch Hedberg More about this quote Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
With a stop light, green means 'go' and yellow means 'slow down'. With a banana, however, it is quite the opposite. Yellow means 'go', green means 'whoa, slow down', and red means 'where the heck did you get that banana? —Mitch Hedberg More about this quote Tags: comedy fruit food colors banana Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
I know a lot about cars. I can look at a car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming. —Mitch Hedberg More about this quote Tags: knowledge cars expertise Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
You know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show. —Mitch Hedberg More about this quote Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later. —Mitch Hedberg More about this quote Tags: humor dreams Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down. —Mitch Hedberg More about this quote Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email