William Claude Dukenfield (January 29, 1880 – December 25, 1946), better known as W. C. Fields, was an American comedian, actor, juggler, and writer. Fields's comic persona was a misanthropic and hard-drinking egotist who remained a sympathetic character despite his supposed contempt for children and dogs.
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal.
If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
Politics is how you live your life, not whom you vote for.
Vote for the man who promises least; he'll be the least disappointing.