I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.

hate humor violence

About Jack Handey

Jack Handey (born February 25, 1949) is an American humorist. He is best known for his "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey", a large body of surrealistic one-liner jokes featured on Saturday Night Live, as well as his "Fuzzy Memories" and "My Big Thick Novel" shorts, and for his deadpan delivery....

More quotations from Jack Handey

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

humor perspective criticism

The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe. But the stupid man will just lay down on some seaweed and roll around until he's completely draped in it. Then he'll stand up and go, "Hey, I'm Vine Man.

I hope that when I die, people say about me, 'Boy, that guy sure owed me a lot of money.

humor memory people money

The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car—I forget what kind it was—and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.

Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy's arm behind his back. Now who's asking the questions?

More quotations tagged with “violence”

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

—Groucho Marx

humor violence anger brutality

Soft is stronger than hard, water stronger than rock, love stronger than violence.

—Hermann Hesse

love strength violence water softness hardness

When we are violent to our enemies, we do violence to ourselves. When we brutalize others, we brutalize ourselves. And eventually we run the risk of becoming our oppressors.

—Arundhati Roy

enemies violence brutality

I believe every act of violence is also a message that needs to be understood. Violence should not be answered just by greater violence but by real understanding. We must ask: "Where is the violence coming from? What is its meaning?

violence source message

You're immature. You've been unable to adjust to the idea of war."
"Yes, sir."
"You have a morbid aversion to dying. You probably resent the fact that you're at war and might get your head blown off any second."
"I more than resent it, sir. I'm absolutely incensed."
"… Misery depresses you. Ignorance depresses you. Persecution depresses you. Violence depresses you.… You know, it wouldn't surprise me if you're a manic depressive!

—Joseph Heller

war ignorance maturity death misery violence surprise

History

8 Sep 2013 Added