Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy's arm behind his back. Now who's asking the questions?

About Jack Handey

Jack Handey (born February 25, 1949) is an American humorist. He is best known for his "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey", a large body of surrealistic one-liner jokes featured on Saturday Night Live, as well as his "Fuzzy Memories" and "My Big Thick Novel" shorts, and for his deadpan delivery....

More quotations from Jack Handey

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that, deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting late.

—Jack Handey

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.

—Jack Handey

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

—Jack Handey

If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have to say.

—Jack Handey

war hate irony

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.

—Jack Handey

hate humor violence

History

13 Feb 2016 Added
26 Oct 2026 Wording changed

Previous wording

Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy's arm behind his back. Now who's asking the questions?