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If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have to say.

—Jack Handey

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About Jack Handey

Jack Handey (born February 25, 1949) is an American humorist. He is best known for his "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey", a large body of surrealistic one-liner jokes, as well as his "Fuzzy Memories" and "My Big Thick Novel" shorts, and for his deadpan delivery. Although many assume otherwise, Handey...

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The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car — I forget what kind it was — and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.

—Jack Handey

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