One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that, deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting late.

humor kids Disney

About Jack Handey

Jack Handey (born February 25, 1949) is an American humorist. He is best known for his "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey", a large body of surrealistic one-liner jokes featured on Saturday Night Live, as well as his "Fuzzy Memories" and "My Big Thick Novel" shorts, and for his deadpan delivery....

More quotations from Jack Handey

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

humor perspective criticism

The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe. But the stupid man will just lay down on some seaweed and roll around until he's completely draped in it. Then he'll stand up and go, "Hey, I'm Vine Man.

I hope that when I die, people say about me, 'Boy, that guy sure owed me a lot of money.

humor memory people money

The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car—I forget what kind it was—and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.

Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy's arm behind his back. Now who's asking the questions?

More quotations tagged with “kids”

Sometimes it seems as though not a moment has moved, but then you look up and you're already old or you already have a household of kids or you look down and see your feet are miles and miles away from the rest of you—and you realize you've grown up.

—Jacqueline Woodson in Between Madison and Palmetto

time age growing up kids

I don't think anyone ever remembers what they were really like as kids. Adults think they do, but they don't. Photos and videos don't capture the real you, or bring back to life the person you used to be. You have to return to the past to do that.

—Darren Shan in Sons of Destiny

life memory past identity kids

Kids are like buckets of disease that live in your house.

health children disease illness kids

I figure when my husband comes home from work, if the kids are still alive, then I've done my job.

—Roseanne Barr

life success survival kids

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

work kids bedtime

History

10 Oct 2015 Added