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Groucho Marx

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Julius Henry "Groucho" Marx (; October 2, 1890 – August 19, 1977) was an American comedian, actor, writer, and singer who performed in films and vaudeville on television, radio, and the stage. He is considered one of America's greatest comedians.

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Quotes from Groucho Marx

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

—Groucho Marx

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understanding humor
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I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on, I go into another room and read a good book.

—Groucho Marx

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humor books television
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Because we are laughed at, I don’t think people really understand how essential [comedians] are to their sanity. If it weren’t for the brief respite we give the world with our foolishness, the world would see mass suicide in numbers that compare favorably with the death rate of the lemmings. I’m sure most of you have heard the story of the man who, desperately ill, goes to an analyst and tells the doctor that he has lost his desire to live and that is seriously considering suicide. The doctor listens to his tale of melancholia and then tells the patient that what he needs is a good belly laugh. He then advises the unhappy man to go to the circus that night and spend the evening laughing at Grock, the world’s funniest clown. The doctor sums it up, “After you have seen Grock, I am sure you will be much happier.” The patient rises to his feet, looks sadly at the doctor, turns and ambles toward the door. As he starts to leave the doctor says, “By the way, what is your name?” The man turns and regards the analyst with sorrowful eyes. “I am Grock.”

—Groucho Marx in Groucho And Me

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humor depression comedy suicide
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

—Groucho Marx

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power money preference
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I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

—Groucho Marx

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memory forgetting faces
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Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

—Groucho Marx

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seeing women
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Those are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others.

—Groucho Marx

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morality principles flexibility
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I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

—Groucho Marx

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humor time fun evening
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Go, and never darken my towels again.

—Groucho Marx

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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

—Groucho Marx

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I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

—Groucho Marx

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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.

—Groucho Marx

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women fate control men and women misogyny
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From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

—Groucho Marx

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books
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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

—Groucho Marx

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reading books choices television
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I must take issue with the term 'a mere child,' for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.

—Groucho Marx

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children
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Books

Groucho Marx has the following books quoted on Quodid: