Whenever there's one of these bogus shortages, the oil companies give you those stupid brochures, "Fifty Ways to Save Energy." They spill 80 million gallons in Alaska and they want you to go to the bathroom in the dark.

About Jay Leno

Portrait of Jay Leno

James Douglas Muir Leno ( LEN-oh; born April 28, 1950) is an American television host, comedian, writer and actor. After doing stand-up comedy for years, Leno was chosen in 1992 to replace Johnny Carson as the host of NBC's The Tonight Show; Leno hosted The Tonight Show until September 2009...

More quotations from Jay Leno

There's this big pie in show business, and you physically can't eat the whole pie. If you give everybody a slice of pie, you will still have more than enough. The real trick is not to try to get the whole pie, but to keep the biggest slice.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

humor lottery psychics

The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.

History

4 Jul 2015 Added