An atheist has to know a lot more than I know. An atheist is someone who knows there is no god. By some definitions atheism is very stupid.
—Carl Sagan
I'm what you call a teleological existential atheist. I believe there's an intelligence to the universe with the exception of certain parts of New Jersey.
—Woody Allen
I recently invented a new theory: ambitheism. This is the doctrine that God both does and doesn't exist. I have noticed that when I try to believe in God, I am filled with sudden moments of despair that God is absent, but when I try to be an atheist, I slowly come to believe in a divine will. Thus, I have concluded that both ideas are true. God simultaneously is and isn't.
—Michael Gorelick
I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn't.
—Jules Renard
A couple of months ago I had a dream, which I remember with the utmost clarity. (I don't usually remember my dreams.) I dreamed I had died and gone to Heaven. I looked about and knew where I was — green fields, fleecy clouds, perfumed air, and the distant, ravishing sound of the heavenly choir. And there was the recording angel smiling broadly at me in greeting. I said in wonder, "Is this Heaven?" The recording angel said, "It is." I said (and on waking and remembering, I was proud of my integrity), "But there must be a mistake. I don't belong here. I'm an atheist." "No mistake," said the recording angel. "But as an atheist how can I qualify?" The recording angel said sternly, "We decide who qualifies. Not you." "I see," I said. I looked about, pondered for a moment, then turned to the recording angel and asked, "Is there a typewriter here that I can use?" The significance of the dream was clear to me. I felt Heaven to be the act of writing, and I have been in Heaven for over half a century, and I have always known this.
—Isaac Asimov
Nobody talks so constantly about God as those who insist that there is no God.
—Heywood Broun
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, "Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
—Quentin Crisp
Small amounts of philosophy lead to atheism, but larger amounts lead us back to God.
—Francis Bacon
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
—Woody Allen
The worst moment for the atheist is when he is really thankful and has nobody to thank.
—Dante Gabriel Rossetti
I always admired atheists. I think it takes a lot of faith.
—Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider
I'm a born-again atheist.
—Gore Vidal
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
—Henny Youngman
An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support.
—John Buchan
I'm the world's least happy atheist. I miss having religious faith, but trying to have it seems like trying to be in love with someone that you're not in love with.
—Lisa Williams