Ah, sweet alcohol. Like a true friend, you replace the anger with better, louder anger.

It's a lot like nature. You only have as many animals as the ecosystem can support and you only have as many friends as you can tolerate the bitching of.

—Randy K. Milholland

Typos are very important to all written form. It gives the reader something to look for so they aren't distracted by the total lack of content in your writing.

—Randy K. Milholland

I've accepted that I'm not going to die of natural causes, [but] getting killed 'cuz you're naturally a dick seems like natural causes to me.

—Randy K. Milholland

Slap a mask on a drunk and you're going to have trouble. It's like having a live reenactment of anonymous forum comments.

—Randy K. Milholland

The only way to be truly misogynistic is to be a woman.

—Randy K. Milholland

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

—Dylan Thomas

Heavy hearts, like heavy clouds in the sky, are best relieved by the letting of a little water.

—Christopher Morley

First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.

—F. Scott Fitzgerald

Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.

—Dave Barry