When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.

—Henny Youngman

About Henny Youngman

Portrait of Henny Youngman

Henry "Henny" Youngman (March 16, 1906 – February 24, 1998) was an American comedian and musician famous for his mastery of the "one-liner", his best known being "Take my wife... please".

More quotations from Henny Youngman

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

—Henny Youngman

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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music, and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

—Henny Youngman

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

—Henny Youngman

humor reading learning knowledge alcohol drinking

My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

—Henny Youngman

What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money.

—Henny Youngman

humor happiness money