Henry "Henny" Youngman (March 16, 1906 – February 24, 1998) was an English-born American comedian and musician famous for his mastery of the "one-liner", his best known being "Take my wife... please".
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.
The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass.