Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and say the opposite.

—Sam Levenson

It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.

—Sam Levenson

You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can't possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.

—Sam Levenson

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.

—Sam Levenson

Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it.

—Sam Levenson

Whenever I date a guy, I think, Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?

—Rita Rudner

Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age.

—William Feather

Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home.

—Bill Cosby

I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.

—Robert Orben

The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.

—Jean Kerr