Rita Rudner - Quodid

About

Picture of Rita Rudner

Rita Rudner (born September 17, 1953) is an American stand-up comedian and actress. Beginning her career as a Broadway actress, Rudner noticed the lack of female comedians in New York City and turned to stand-up comedy, where she has performed for over three decades. Her performance on a variety of HBO specials and numerous appearances on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson helped establish Rudner as one of the notable comics to emerge from the comedy boom of the 1980s.

Quotes from Rita Rudner

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

marriage Hollywood celebrity

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

humor psychology

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

sun vegetarianism

Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.

I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

humor ballet dancing

My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.

relationships death marriage

Whenever I date a guy, I think, Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?

future children dating

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.

humanity respect wealth

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

right compromise arrogance

My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping.

My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

love annoyance eternity marriage

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.