I figure when my husband comes home from work, if the kids are still alive, then I've done my job.

—Roseanne Barr

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About Roseanne Barr

Portrait of Roseanne Barr

Roseanne Cherrie Barr (born November 3, 1952), also known mononymously as Roseanne, is an American actress, comedian, writer, and producer. She began her career in stand-up comedy, going on to achieve widespread recognition for her work as the eponymous lead character on the ABC sitcom Roseanne (1988–1997; 2018), for which...

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My parents . . . decided early on that all of the problems in my family had somehow to do with me. All roads led to Roseyville, a messy, chaotic town where, as parents, they were required to visit, but could never get out of quick enough or find a decent parking place.

—Roseanne Barr

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Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with. I think every woman should be fat like me.

—Roseanne Barr

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More quotations tagged with “kids”

If Pac-Man had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in dark rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

—Marcus Bridgstocke

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The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream.

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One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that, deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting late.

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Sometimes it seems as though not a moment has moved, but then you look up and you're already old or you already have a household of kids or you look down and see your feet are miles and miles away from the rest of you—and you realize you've grown up.

—Jacqueline Woodson in Between Madison and Palmetto

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I don't think anyone ever remembers what they were really like as kids. Adults think they do, but they don't. Photos and videos don't capture the real you, or bring back to life the person you used to be. You have to return to the past to do that.

—Darren Shan in Sons of Destiny

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