Nothing like a lot of exercise to make you realize you'd rather be lazy and dead sooner.

Could you imagine how horrible things would be if we always told others how we felt? Life would be intolerably bearable.

—Randy K. Milholland

You make me understand how wonderful it is for little lizards when they find that one special rock that's perfect for sunning themselves on. You make me lizard-happy.

—Randy K. Milholland

People age even when you're not looking.

—Randy K. Milholland

The shortest verse in the Bible is 'Jesus wept.' The only thing wrong with it is the past tense.

—Randy K. Milholland

Why do we have to wait for special moments to say nice things or tell people we care about them?

—Randy K. Milholland

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

—David Lee Roth

My doctors told me I would never walk again. My mother told me I would. I believed my mother.

—Olympic gold medalist Wilma Rudolph

Under democracy one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule—and both commonly succeed, and are right.

—H. L. Mencken

Adversity has the same effect on a man that severe training has on the pugilist: it reduces him to his fighting weight.

—Josh Billings

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

—Joan Rivers