Wilson Mizner (May 19, 1876 – April 3, 1933) was an American playwright, raconteur, and entrepreneur. His best-known plays are The Deep Purple, produced in 1910, and The Greyhound, produced in 1912. He was manager and co-owner of The Brown Derby restaurant in Los Angeles, California, and was part of...
The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions.
There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.
Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.
Be nice to people on your way up because you'll meet them on your way down.
When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.
He not busy being born is busy dying.
Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple.