John Florence Sullivan (May 31, 1894 – March 17, 1956), known professionally as Fred Allen, was an American comedian. His absurdist topically-pointed radio program The Fred Allen Show (1932–1949) made him one of the most popular and forward-looking humorists in the Golden Age of American radio.
I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.
The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.
California is a fine place to live--if you happen to be an orange.
The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
Television is a new medium. It's called a medium because nothing is well-done.