Fred Allen

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

—Fred Allen

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

—Fred Allen

A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.

—Fred Allen

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

—Fred Allen

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.

—Fred Allen

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

—Fred Allen

California is a fine place to live--if you happen to be an orange.

—Fred Allen

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.

—Fred Allen

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

—Fred Allen

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

—Fred Allen

Committee--a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.

—Fred Allen

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

—Fred Allen

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.

—Fred Allen

Television is a new medium. It's called a medium because nothing is well-done.

—Fred Allen

[Television is] the triumph of machine over people.

—Fred Allen