Quotations from

Woody Allen

About

Picture of Woody Allen

Woody Allen (born Allan Stewart Konigsberg; November 30, 1935) is an American filmmaker, actor, writer, and comedian. In a career spanning more than seven decades, he has written for film, television, and theater. As a screenwriter, Allen holds the record of most wins (3) and nominations (16) for the Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay. In addition to his four Academy Awards, he has also received numerous other accolades, including ten BAFTA Awards, two Golden Globe Awards, a Grammy Award, and nominations for an Emmy Award and a Tony Award. He received an Honorary Golden Lion in 1995, the BAFTA Fellowship in 1997, an Honorary Palme d'Or in 2002, and the Golden Globe Cecil B. DeMille Award in 2014. Two of his films have been inducted into the National Film Registry by the Library of Congress.

from Wikipedia

Quotes from Woody Allen

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

—Woody Allen

God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.

—Woody Allen

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

—Woody Allen

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

—Woody Allen

The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone.

—Woody Allen

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

—Woody Allen

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

—Woody Allen

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

—Woody Allen

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

—Woody Allen

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

—Woody Allen

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.

—Woody Allen

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

—Woody Allen

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.

—Woody Allen

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.

—Woody Allen

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.

—Woody Allen