The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

—Phyllis Diller

alcohol chores ironing

About Phyllis Diller

Portrait of Phyllis Diller

Phyllis Ada Diller (née Driver; July 17, 1917 – August 20, 2012) was an American stand-up comedian, actress, author, musician and visual artist, noted for her eccentric stage persona, characterized by her self-deprecating humor, wild hair and clothes, and exaggerated, cackling laugh.

More quotations from Phyllis Diller

The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

—Phyllis Diller

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

—Phyllis Diller

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.

—Phyllis Diller

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

—Phyllis Diller

children old age dotage

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

—Phyllis Diller

happiness smiles curves lines

More quotations tagged with “alcohol”

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

—W. C. Fields

food alcohol wine cooking

Ninety percent of [my salary] I spent on booze and women, and the other 10 percent I wasted.

women alcohol waste

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

—Ernest Hemingway

silence alcohol sobriety

Skiing consists of wearing $3,000 worth of clothes and equipment and driving 200 miles in the snow in order to stand around at a bar and drink.

—P. J. O'Rourke

sports alcohol drinking snow skiing

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.

—W. C. Fields

driving alcohol drinking

History

19 Jun 2015 Added