I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.
Wine makes a man more pleased with himself; I do not say that it makes him more pleasing to others.
The Internet is like alcohol in some sense. It accentuates what you would do anyway. If you want to be a loner, you can be more alone. If you want to connect, it makes it easier to connect.
Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.
Truth can be found everywhere, even on the lips of drunkards, in the noisiest of taverns.
Making money ain't nothing exciting to me. You might be able to buy a little better booze than the wino on the corner, but you get sick just like the next cat, and when you die you're just as graveyard dead.
Ah! Memory impairment: the free prize at the bottom of every vodka bottle!
—Chuck Lorre, Steven Molaro and Eric Kaplan
I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.
—W. C. Fields
Skiing consists of wearing $3,000 worth of clothes and equipment and driving 200 miles in the snow in order to stand around at a bar and drink.
—P. J. O'Rourke
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.