Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Wit makes its own welcome, and levels all distinctions. No dignity, no learning, no force of character, can make any stand against good wit.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Life is tough, and if you have the ability to laugh at it you have the ability to enjoy it.
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes: "No hablo inglés.
Sit at the feet of the master long enough, and they'll start to smell.
Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
This problem with illegal immigration is nothing new. In fact, the Indians had a special name for it. They called it "white people.
Nature reserves the right to inflict upon her children the most terrifying jests.
I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!
Be yourself" is about the worst advice you can give some people.
When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him.
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.