Quodid The Ultimate Quotation Repository

Quotes about humor

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

—Steven Wright

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humor science water
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What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?

—W. Clement Stone

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humor wine lunch
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Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, I'm not going to make it, but you laugh inside — remembering all the times you've felt that way.

—Charles Bukowski

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Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night.

—Charlie Brown in Charles Schulz's Peanuts

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humor time wrong regret
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Sir Francis Drake circumcized the world with a hundred-foot clipper.

—Unknown history student

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humor misunderstanding
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I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

—Groucho Marx

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humor time fun evening
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I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

—Rita Rudner

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humor ballet dancing
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I saw a stationery store move.

—Jay London

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humor movement stationary
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I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier.

—Howard Nemerov

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humor poetry speech
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At the Garrick Club (a famous London club of which several leading actors were members) on New Year's Eve, Freddy Lonsdale was asked by Seymour Hicks to make up over a quarrel he had previously had with one of his fellow members. "You must," Seymour said. "It is very unkind to be unfriendly at such a time. Go over now and wish him a happy New Year." Freddy crossed the room and spoke to his enemy. "I wish you a happy New Year," he said, "but only one.

—Little, Brown Book of Anecdotes

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friendship humor quarrel new year
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Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.

—John Lehman

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power humor
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Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

—Emo Phillips

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humor will resistance mornings
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All religions are the same: religion is basically guilt, with different holidays.

—Cathy Ladman

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humor religion guilt holidays
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I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

—Henny Youngman

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humor place medicine
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I have the worst memory ever so no matter who comes up to me - they're just, like, 'I can't believe you don't remember me!" I'm like, 'Oh Dad I'm sorry!

—Ellen DeGeneres

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humor memory familiarity
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