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Quotes about humor

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

—Steven Wright

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humor batteries electronics
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I don't have a bank account, because I don't know my mother's maiden name.

—Paula Poundstone

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humor security mother
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Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.

—Woody Allen

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humor oneness study
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I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights.

—Jay London

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humor hair highlights
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

—Rodney Dangerfield

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humor family parents moving
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My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

—Mitch Hedberg

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humor water plants
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Whom are you?' he asked, for he had attended business college.

—George Ade

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humor education language college
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Acting is the most minor of gifts and not a very high-class way to earn a living. After all, Shirley Temple could do it at the age of four.

—Katharine Hepburn

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humor skill acting making money
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Indecision may or may not be my problem.

—Jimmy Buffett

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humor problems indecision decisiveness
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If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

—Mel Brooks

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God humor flight
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When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

—Peter O'Toole

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God humor talking
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Careful. We don't want to learn from this.

—Bill Watterson

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humor learning irony care
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Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

—Dick Clark

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truth humor in-laws
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Who are you and how did you get in here?' 'I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith.

—Leslie Nielsen

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humor security
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

—Phyllis Diller

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humor relationships fighting
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